Are you there God? It's me Menses
copyright 2001-2003 duana r anderson

 

"menarche (men-NAR-key) [[Gr. men, month (see MOON) + arche, beginning]] the first menstrual period of a girl in puberty." --Webster's New World Dictionary, Third College Edition

My role models growing up were not real flesh and blood people. Their spines were made of cardboard, their bodies of paper and their words of ink. They were fictitious characters created by the mind of Judy Blume.

Margaret introduced me to periods. I can remember my fifth grade class, the 'cool' girls all whispering hush-hush and giggling about this book. Then Jane, came over and whispered: "Did you start your period yet? You can use my tampon if you like." "Period?" "Tampon?" Peanut butter and jam lodged in my throat. She was testing my sex-savvy. These were just a series of sexual vocabulary I had been learning of late from my peers. Words like "cum", "masterbation" and "the pill". Words that were new to my virgin ears and awakened curious yearnings inside me. Jane shoved the "forbidden" book, "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret" into my face and sneered, "here." So began my sex education, under Blume's literary direction, guiding me down the adolescent path to adulthood. It was through her books that I first learned about masturbation, menstruation and that the strange, sexual stirrings I had were normal.

"Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. Gretchen, my friend, got her period. I'm so jealous God. I hate myself for being so jealous, but I am. I wish you'd help me just a little. Nancy's sure she's going to get it soon, too. And if I'm the last I don't know what I'll do. Oh please God, I just want to be normal."
--Judy Blume, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret

Every word I read seemed to be about me. How could she know? It was as though Judy Blume were writing my life. My friend, Leah was first to get her period. Suddenly, she was transformed into a glowing, confident boy-magnet. She had joined the rest of our friends in the secret society of adolescence, leaving me to straggle behind. Suddenly, period-talk, teen-beat and boys became the topics of conversation at our slumber parties.

I wanted to bleed monthly like them. I wanted so to grow up physically (I must, I must) so boys would notice me too. I looked forward to my own period with a growing sense of dread and building anticipation, praying I would not begin to bleed all over gym class like poor Sharon did in her white shorts. I wanted so much to be initiated into this mysterious adult thing. I wanted so to fit in, like Margaret. I wanted to "belong".

"Attainment of sexual maturity in girls is marked by the onset of menstruation... The main hormone governing [this] changes [is] estrogen in females, [a] substance also associated with the appearance of secondary sex characteristics: pubic and bodily hair, enlarged breasts, and broader hips among females."
--"Adolescence," Encarta, Copyright © 1994 Microsoft Corporation, Funk & Wagnall's Corporation.

Then it simply happened, right out of the blue. I was visiting my Dad and his wife for a week's holiday. Talk about timing. It was there, in the middle of enemy territory (surrounded by my dad and two brothers) that it started. Strange dark spotting on my panties. Uncomfortable bloating. What's happening to me? I thought I had caught a weird case of diarrhoea. It wasn't until Jenny took me aside and explained what was happening did I clue in. I was given the quick tutorial on maxi's and that was that.

Had I changed? Yes, and no. I had not magically transformed overnight into a sexually awakened teen. But there was a new confidence there, a sense of femininity, a sense that I belonged. I was no longer a geeky tomboy teen, and the boys I used to climb trees with soon began to interest me in other ways. Like how their hair smelt, or how their hands felt holding mine. And their lips. I would daydream for hours about kissing a boy, practicing the perfect technique with my pillow in bed, visualizing of other ways they might touch me as well. And, Leah and I would still undress infront of each other, but our stares became less and less modest, even covetous as we searched for changes in each other's flesh. I often wondered if her hand was so innocent as it fell upon my breast at night when I slept over, or if she too had unspoken desires she could not then voice.

Yes, I had passed over the threshold, into Never-neverland, that strange, awkward, sacred and sometimes scary realm between childhood and adulthood. It was both exhilerating and frightening. But, I have Margaret (and Jane) to thank for making that passage a little less mysterious.

Judy Blume's books are powerful and inspirational. She changed my life, forever. After twenty years of censorship, book-burning and being on the American Library Association's annual list of most challenged books, they recently gave Blume the 'Margaret A. Edwards Award' for lifetime achievement and honored her book 'Forever'. I guess it's time to stop hiding those books under the mattress.

"Menses Myths:

Menstruation is not a "curse" or a "punishment." Losing normal menstrual blood doesn't make you weak. Menstruation doesn't need to put you in a bad mood. Menstruation doesn't mean being "sick" or "unclean." Women can enjoy sex while they have their periods. It is possible to become pregnant before your first period. It is also possible to become pregnant when you are bleeding. The truth is that having your period is a sign that your body is healthy and working the way it should."
--Planned Parenthood¨ Federation of America, Menstruation Myths

Bibliography:
1. Planned Parenthood¨ Federation of America
2. Judy Blume Website
3. 'Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret', Judy Blume
4. Encarta, Copyright © 1994 Microsoft Corporation, Funk & Wagnall's Corporation.
5. Webster's New World Dictionary, Third College Edition

 

 

duana r anderson is a writer of erotica and sexual non-fiction, adventurer and advocate of human sexuality. Her works have been most recently coveted by Whiplash Magazine, Suspect Thoughts, Good Vibrations, Alyson Publications, and Scarlet Letters. She has just completed her first book: "Jill'n Off: A Woman's Complete Guide to Solo Sex", which will be available in the new year. You can write her at duana at ns.sympatico.ca