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Mz Conduct's
House of SIN
#111 Life is a Big Fat Cheeseball
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Burn the candle at both
ends, wax me up, and send me your dripping dilemmas at guttergrl69@hotmail.com,
also my Pay Pal
account is readily available for any contributions to my book endeavor, which
I have been working night and day on. You can find me on eBay
and buy my original retro kitsch art cards too!
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"The piano has been drinking, not me,
not me." ~ Tom Waits
For my birthday, as a gift to myself, I've been weeding out the
negative energies in my life and replacing them with all things new, untried,
and positively positive. In that vein, I replaced: my strap-on harness with the
best leather one available, the double-headed dildo I gave away years ago for
a wedding present, and all the patiently awaiting boys and girls out there waiting
for me to be emotionally available once again. I'm back in true form, and damn
if it doesn't feel fabulous.
Now, the weeding out process is just that. The dating scene is still and always
what it was unfortunately, but one must put on the garden gloves and trudge through
the manure in order to find the blossoms that inevitably appear in spring. And
it is spring after all!
My latest experiences with dating have tossed me a sad, soggy salad. I've gone
out with men who felt guilty, men I intimated, a guy who ran and threw up in a
mid make-out session (too much liquor involved apparently), another who I lowered
my standards for just to get laid - this one was compelled to take 'breaks' all
night in order to keep up with me. I had a conniption fit and threw him out. One
guy passionately talked about blowing up supermarkets all evening, and another
bragged about his giant manhood, in which case I had no desire to view it after
that. I felt as if I were in the frog jump Olympics, I swear. Then I found a prince!
This beautiful punk prince rescued me from a horrible date I was on, found
me the next day, wrote me erotica, and proceeded to bang me like a cheap screen
door. Our second date was headed for the same slice of heaven until I completely
screwed that, and every other date that
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may have followed, right out the door. Earlier, on the evening of our second date,
I was on a business date with a lovely gentleman who fed me steamed clams, cioppino,
and as much '96 Valpolicella that can be humanly consumed. I lost track of time
and was hours late getting to the beautiful boy's house, as previously planned.
Once dropped home by my business date, and blissfully inebriated, I called the
boy to blather an apology, and explain my non-driving demented state. He graciously
decided to take a taxi over anyway. Yay! Yeah, that was short lived, as only shortly
after the beautiful boy's arrival, my ex boyfriend started phoning repeatedly,
trying to profess his undying lust in some drunken stupor. I finally turned off
the phone, but the damage was done. If roles were reversed I would have been long
gone, but he hung in there another night giving me unlimited orgasmic pleasure...
for the last time. I can be such a nightmare, but my behavior shows me that I
am only ready for me right now, and learn I shall from my actions, as
we all should.
Two nights later, throbbing with lascivious thoughts, I decided to grab the bull
by the horns, or the bull by his horny thorn. I called up the Tiki Trouble Lounge
and asked for the waiter I met on New Year's Eve. When he answered the phone I
hadn't time to explain who I was, as he remembered me clearly. Imagine that! It
so happened that the next night was his only night off, so I invited him out with
Cocoa Bean and Heady Hubby and I. We all met at the Fast Bar; a very cool bar
seeped in blue neon and tall, red leather booths. I found out he was twenty-three
years old, Christ on a cheese ball, and asked if he knew how old I was. His suave
reply was, 'It doesn't matter' and I was in even more lust. We had oodles of cocktails
and headed back to my place, where my loins got the best of me. I straddled the
hot boy and gyrated intensely on his lap. Cocoa Bean had her video rolling the
whole time, and being the exhibitionist that I am, it got me hotter still. Soon,
everyone left at my insistence and the boy unleashed his ample, pierced member
into my clubhouse all night long.
After a whirlwind of local affairs, I packed my purple striped suitcase, and decided
on a trip to the east coast to drum up some shameless self-promotion. My famous
artist uncle was turning ninety and I was turning forty-nine, and what a fabulous
celebration it was! My aunt put on a huge party with over one hundred fifty artists,
writers, and designers of all sorts. I headed for the open bar and soon made a
big splash (and not just in my vodka), promising my first book to more folks than
I can remember. I met the black side of my family (and loved them all), got a
condensed education on history and art, saw the ghetto of Philadelphia, owls in
flight, reunited with cousins I hadn't seen in forty years, and met some adorable
men in many cities. A truly amazing trip!
Now, I'm headed to southern California for a spell to celebrate Cinco de Mayo,
which I'm sure will produce more stories to tell on my return. I have many more
trips planned as well, as this year is about the celebration.
A shout out to the Transient Trollop on landing the love of her life, the madly
sane Rooftop Rebel. I will include a train trip to visit them in the near future,
and absolutely positively whenever she and I get together, if we don't land our
ample asses in jail on a life sentence, we will definitely have wild stories to
share. Stay tuned!
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Dear Mz. Conduct,
Somebody was discussing tantric yoga and tantric sex the other day after an art
class. Being that I was in a social circle of a mixed crowd, and a forty-year
old woman, I was too embarrassed to ask what that was exactly. The same people
mentioned your site, so I thought I could ask you and remain anonymously ignorant.
Thank you, and just so you know, I am going to read all of your columns in hope
to become more sexually aware, especially at my age.
Flustered in Florence
Dear FiF,
Don't beat yourself up over not know what tantric sex is, self-mutilation is not
healthy, honey!
Ironically I just took a class in introductory tantric sex, and although I didn't
personally learn much I didn't already know, I can certainly share my knowledge.
My own definition is that it's an ancient philosophy connecting your sexuality
and spirit and liberating social and physical boundaries within. A book that was
suggested in class, and it's a good one, is 'Tantric Sex for Woman' by Christa
Shulte. She explains tantra as 'the complete acceptance and weaving together of
all our feelings (even the so-called negative ones), and the forging of creative
bonds with other people. The word tantra means network, connection, web and expansion.
It is a word from the language of weavers, representing the string that is pulled
through all the warp strings, binding them together.'
You have seven chakras, and by being in touch with them and the colors they bring,
you can have an orgasm without ejaculating (and this means women too!), and you
can easily have an orgasm without being touched in any genital areas. I've had
many orgasms by just kissing or even by having my neck or knees touched. It's
amazingly hot. This is how one author explains chakras: The word chakra is Sanskrit
for wheel or disk and signifies one of seven basic energy centers in the body.
Each of these centers correlates to major nerve ganglia branching forth from the
spinal column. In addition the chakras also correlate to levels of consciousness,
archetypal elements, developmental stages of life, colors, sounds, body functions,
and much, much more. Below is a brief description of each chakra.
Chakra Seven: Thought, Universal identity, oriented to self-knowledge This is
the crown chakra that relates to consciousness as pure awareness. It is our connection
to the greater world beyond, to a timeless, spaceless place of all-knowing. When
developed, this chakra brings us knowledge, wisdom, understanding, spiritual connection,
and bliss.
Chakra Six: Light, Archetypal identity, oriented to self-reflection This chakra
is known as the brow chakra or third eye center. It is related to the act of seeing,
both physically and intuitively. As such it opens our psychic faculties and our
understanding of archetypal levels. When healthy it allows us to see clearly,
in effect, letting us "see the big picture."
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Chakra
Five: Sound, Creative identity, oriented to self-expression This is the chakra
located in the throat and is thus related to communication and creativity. Here
we experience the world symbolically through vibration, such as the vibration
of sound representing language.
Chakra Four: Air, Social identity, oriented to self-acceptance This chakra is
called the heart chakra and is the middle chakra in a system of seven. It is related
to love and is the integrator of opposites in the psyche: mind and body, male
and female, persona and shadow, ego and unity. A healthy fourth chakra allows
us to love deeply, feel compassion, and have a deep sense of peace and centeredness.
Chakra Three: Fire, Ego identity, oriented to self-definition This chakra is known
as the power chakra, located in the solar plexus. It rules our personal power,
will, and autonomy, as well as our metabolism. When healthy, this chakra brings
us energy, effectiveness, spontaneity, and non-dominating power.
Chakra Two: Water, Emotional identity, oriented to self-gratification The second
chakra, located in the abdomen, lower back, and sexual organs, is related to the
element water, and to emotions and sexuality. It connects us to others through
feeling, desire, sensation, and movement. Ideally this chakra brings us fluidity
and grace, depth of feeling, sexual fulfillment, and the ability to accept change.
Chakra One: Earth, Physical identity, oriented to self-preservation Located at
the base of the spine, this chakra forms our foundation. It represents the element
earth, and is therefore related to our survival instincts, and to our sense of
grounding and connection to our bodies and the physical plane. Ideally this chakra
brings us health, prosperity, security, and dynamic presence.
So, you see this is a complex topic, but hopefully this will help you understand
tantra a bit more. I suggest you read 'Red Hot Tantra' by David Ramsdale for more
history on this subject and there is a decent spot online at; http://tantric-sex.blogspot.com/
which may help as well. The Kama Sutra, although stimulating, is a translation
from one man's view, so not to be confused with the actual historic origin. Good
luck and chakra on, baby!
© All Rights reserved Kim Alvarez
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Flirt
for free with live sexy women...
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