Dear Rachel and Claire,
My boyfriend of three years no longer seems interested in sex. What can I do? I've tried sexy lingerie, porn, massage, and sex toys - but nothing works. HELP!

--Trying Hard

Dear Trying Hard,
Second guessing your lover's drop in desire is a dead end. The two of you need a good talk to get at the kernel of what's going on. Maybe he's been interested in having a different kind of sex and is embarrassed to bring it up. Maybe there are underlying problems in your relationship that are cooling his passion jet. It always amazes me how turned on I can feel after talking with my partner about some irritation that has been eating me for awhile. Communication about the hard stuff really can clear the path for our libidos. You can't fix it till you know what's broken, so to speak. Bringing up dissatisfaction with the amount of sex you are having can be scary, so try to be kind to yourself and to him. But bravery, and open, non-accusatory communication might get you to a sexier place in your relationship, and in any event, it will get you clarity. If he's unwilling to communicate, it may be time for you to assess whether you want to stay in a relationship in which you are not getting what you want. Good luck!

Dear Rachel and Claire,
My gal says she "loves" giving me oral pleasure, but she doesn't swallow. Instead, when she senses my orgasm approaching, she masturbates me to release. I don't think she regards gulping gonad gravy as necessarily degrading, but most likely just doesn't enjoy the flavor of the protein punch. What do you say or do to get a rather innocent, sexually cautious gal to loosen up?

--Deep Throat-less

Dear Deep Throat-less,
I took a quick survey here at Babeland and determined unequivocally that calling semen "gonad gravy" is gross. Using this term with your sperm-shy gal won't be very effective. Rather than focusing on convincing her to do something she doesn't want to do, here are a few suggestions that might change your flavor and get you the kind of sex you want.

First, have you tried oral sex with a condom? Your girlfriend might be willing, maybe even thrilled, to give you what you've been wanting (to come in her mouth) without the experience she's been assiduously avoiding. To enhance sensation for you, you might try using an Inspiral or Pleasure Plus Condom (they are designed with more room at the head to allow for more motion, and thus for more sensation). A glop of water-based lube in the tip will ensure that you feel the most of her tongue and mouth. If she doesn't like the taste of a pre-lubricated condom, try a non-lubricated Ria condom, or flavored lube on the outside.

The other area to explore is your own flavor. Have you tasted it? Drinking lots of water can lighten the flavor of our sexual juices (true for men and women). Since sugars can make everyone taste funky, eating a healthy diet (plenty of fruits and vegetables) can help you change your taste and so can quitting smoking (if you do). So there are several different things that you can try to help change your taste for your sweetheart.

Dear Rachel and Claire,
I need some help. I'm newly single after 15 years of marriage. My husband and I had great sex, which I'm going to miss terribly. The only thing is, I've never had an orgasm! What would you recommend that would resemble my well-endowed ex and help me to achieve the big "O"?

--Story of O

Dear Story of O,
Many women who are pre-orgasmic (they haven't had one yet) discover that the intense continuous sensation of an electric vibrator on their clit can help them have their first orgasm. Many women find that vaginal penetration alone (with a penis or dildo) can be extremely pleasurable, but, as in your case, isn't enough to make them come. I'd suggest trying a Wahl or a Hitachi vibrator alone, or in combination with a dildo (the Large Ballsy is the largest non-silicone realistic we carry and I suggest you look at the Johnny or Brando for high quality larger realistic looking silicone dildos). If the two-toys-two-hands method seems too cumbersome, you might try a dual-action vibrator. This is a two-in-one toy that provides intense clitoral stimulation at the same time as the shaft rotates in the vagina. The Rabbit Habit or Beaver are both popular choices, and though they do not offer as much girth as the dildos, the rotating action can provide stupendous g-spot stimulation. Good luck and congratulations for taking your pleasure into your own hands!

Rachel and claire come to us from toys in babeland