Mz. Conduct's House
Of Sin
Shut Up and Kiss Me
By mz kimi
Sweet and sassy, voluptuous little lassie, Mz. Conduct aches
for your relationship ailments. Ask Mz. Conduct at: guttergrl69@hotmail.com
Blind date time again. This time a boy who wanted me to fulfill
a fantasy of his reeled me in. His fantasy was -- extremely sensual
-- to meet someone for the first time; no phone calls beforehand,
no words spoken, just walk into the designated place and kiss.
Wow, it sounded pretty hot and any titillating dare like that
gets my panties wetter than a seal in heat. In fact it made me
wonder why I hadnêt thought of it. Of course, revisiting the thoughts
of my last two blind dates, I was a bit freaked out about the
possibility of the guy looking nothing like his picture again,
perhaps resembling a recent parolee or even worse. However, this
boy gave me a nice little ïoutê. He explained in his email that
if for some reason, after seeing him, I didnêt want to kiss him,
I could simply say ñhello" and he would understand. We would continue
our date without even a mention of the initial fantasy. Well,
yank my thigh highs and call me saturated, this was worth trying.
I arrived at the dimly lit Orbit Room a bit early, my body clad
in black lace and oozing with anticipation, so I could swill a
quick martini and prepare for anything. I was ready with a boisterous
vocal "hello" at any given moment, but throbbing for the opposite.
A few men walked in, balding and entirely unappealing, and I was
mumbling a silent prayer to the Goddess of Guttersluts. A few
more minutes passed and in walks a beautiful, dark haired, hunk
of yum yum meat. Beautiful black curls on his head and a butt
I could launch my teeth into. He looked at me and smiled and I
returned one boldly. He walked across the room to be sure it was
actually me. Since I hadnêt mentioned what I would be wearing
or where Iêd be sitting, he walked to the other side of the bar
and looked around. All I could notice is those ebony curls, his
smooth and boyish face, and the way his butt hugged his cargo
pants. When he turned around from across the bar, he pointed at
me as if to say "is that you?" and I smiled and nodded as his
handsome face broke into a white-toothed grin, just a tad of wickedness
on his lips. He strolled confidently towards the booth I was sitting
in. What green eyes you have my dear, what gorgeous teeth you
have my boy, what nice muscles you have and all the better to
eat you with, my homo sapien sex on a stick. He sat down next
to me in the sparkly green booth and our mouths entangled in a
gooey union of tongue and heat, making me stick to the vinyl beneath
me. Where is a Maxi pad when you need one? We yakked and drank
dry, three olive martinis and ended up at my house rolling around
from here to eternity. The amazing night that followed consisted
of glow-in-the-dark condoms, a freak out over my nipples, worship
of his almighty appendage, near lockjaw, and slipping my leopard
patterned dildo where no man (or woman) has ever gone before.
Mister Yum Yum is in New York now, just for a visit, but when
he gets back, Iêm all over that like red on a cherry.
So, fellow daters, all you whiners out there (and you know who
you are) wallowing in self-pity, it just proves that with a little
positive energy and persistence in this wacky dating scene, wishes
can come true! But as Mister Bo Dangles, the Ex Hubby, The Lion
King (and frankly all the boys I know) remind me, there arenêt
many girls out there in the world to rock it like me.
My phone sex job has proved to be exhausting. All the screaming
and simulated cumming and ass slapping, it can really drain a
girl, hour after hour, night after night, especially when there
are no tangible men in sight. On any given night, I can become
a saucy Nubian princess whoês getting her big round ass paddled,
a naughty little slut, splayed out on a pool table with six men
fondling me, a teacher disciplining a student for masturbating
in class, a barely legal girlie, still dressed in her Catholic
school girl uniform, a cum hungry whore begging loudly for anal
sex, and an older woman informing a young boy on how I would drain
his nut sack, ruler in hand. The list goes on and on and on. June
Cleaver with a vibrator, itês a damn good thing I have a powerful
imagination.
Iêm interviewing an enormous breasted porn star and must finish
my editing process. You, boy with the lift in your Levis... bring
that thang over here.
+++
Dear Mz. Conduct,
I met this woman online several months ago and although we havenêt
met yet, we have established a good relationship with writing
and talking on the phone. I told her I was going out with some
friends to a party and she was fine with that, but when I was
honest with her and told her that I flirted with some girls and
ended up in the middle of a gang bang blow job, she really blew
up. She wonêt even talk to me now. Iêm wondering what to do at
this point. Can you help?
Pantless in Providence
Dear PiP,
The last time you took your dunce hat off, did you remove your
brain with it? Suction in the junction, you were honest with her
for crapês sake. By the way, you must have a lovely specimen oê
sausage meat to get that treatment, so why are you wasting your
time with someone who is jealous over a man sheês never even met
yet? She has no right to be upset. On the other hand, if you want
to pursue something with this woman, then perhaps you may need
to omit some details of your personal life. She obviously canêt
handle some of the information. If sheês this way now, without
even having met, think of how she may be if you did get together.
Iêd be running for them thar hills if I were you, but youêre a
man and will most likely keep pursuing this woman, this unmounted
mound of conniption fits. Maybe sheês just wishing it was she
and not other wenches that were swallowing your schlong, but if
you do decide to tell her blurbs of your sex life, maybe throw
in a "but I was thinking of you the whole time baby." If sheês
stupid enough, sheêll believe it. Otherwise shut your trap with
her and have your fun. You donêt owe her anything but the truth
and apparently she canêt even swallow that.
Dear Mz. Conduct,
So what's the best sex advice you've ever given?
Know-it-Poet
Dear KiP,
Hmmmm... let me shake up a dry martini for this one. Where are
my penis shaped ice cubes, damnit? I could have consulted the
archives, but Iêm going to have to say this; my best general advice
to people is to lose their inhibitions and realize that sexual
self-expression is the absolute healthiest thing that can occur
in oneês life. To explore oneês sexuality and get to a comfortable
place with it can bring an absolute inner peace and release the
spirit into untellable realms. Repression is still so prevalent
in this society and one will never know true pleasure unless they
become all they can as a sexual and free being. It is my personal
mission to help people along in this area. If anyone wants to
thank me, please send donations so I can finally buy that double-headed
dildo Iêve been hankering for.
© All rights reserved Kim Alvarez
