Mz. Conduct's House Of Sin
Time Flies and So Do Queen Bees
The Queen of Freakin' Everything and her humble opinions
Time Flies and So Do Queen Bees
"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free,
until they find someone just as wild to run with." Carrie from Sex in
the City
Ask the Mistress of Mischief, Mz. Conduct herself, at: guttergrl69@hotmail.com
Maybe it's because of a big digit birthday on my doorstep (damn that
welcome mat), or maybe it's a reflection of past experiences, past penises
and the fact that having a queen bee complex simply complicates everything.
Queen bees love attention; our honey is by far the sweetest and we dare
to have deviant double standards. Then we can't understand why people
don't understand. We are not jealous or possessive until we find ourselves
in a love thang, which we fight like hell to avoid. Sometimes it just
creeps up and bites us on our beautiful, round asses. Because we get turned
on even more by the pain of the bite, we feel as if we've lost control.
We will always gather back control, that's not the issue. It's the abruptness
of the sting and the vacancy in the hive.
What is it that we queen bees want? Why is it that we need everyone to
love us more than anyone else? We want brains, romance, nurturing and
undying love, but we also want a man who is strong enough to put us in
our place when need be. Personally I want to be banged in the library
bathroom. I want strange adventure and uninhibited lust, anywhere and
anyplace I so desire. I want flowers and surprises and to be told I'm
a raging bitch when I am. I want to be slammed up against the wall and
told how much I'm wanted. I want tenderness and humor and nasty exchanges
all day long. I want sex in the morning and in the middle of the night
and every chance in between. I want to be held when I'm crying and my
hair stroked when I'm a blathering, drunken mess. Is that too much to
ask? I don't think so. But maybe that's why no man can handle me and stay
sane or physically in tact for long. Men see me as a challenge and then
fizzle out somewhere down the line. I wonder if any one person can alter
your spirit within, or finally put a muzzle on the little green monster
that shadows us from time to time. Is enough ever enough, and will I live
long enough to know?
I thought back to third grade when David Madrigal was my boyfriend. He
was sweet and very cute and hid lots of gifts for me in the big oak tree
down the street. I loved it but wanted something more. Danny Fisher was
popular and with his little overbite, I decided that I wanted him too.
Eventually, and as the years went by, I roped him and then juggled the
two pre-pubescent punks until I dumped them both for Eddie H. Eddie H.
was a bad boy. Trouble with the law and the works and we were only in
middle school. He threw rocks at me and was mean, but I knew he liked
me because when he wasn't with his friends, he would call me at home and
talk nasty. I thought, this was the boy for me. Well, until another one
caught my eye, at least. He already had a girlfriend, but that was beside
the point in my should-have-been-banned book, and when I finally got his
undivided attention, I dumped him like a bag of week old trash. There
is something about the unattainable to us all that remains so tempting
and alluring. I just want everyone's love, damnit. Hey, it's not like
I don't make it a point to spread it around myself.
Anyway, my life has always been this way and I wonder why it is that
we queen bees need more than simple girls seem to. The uncomplicated and
simple girls that men end up marrying ... and then inevitably cheat on
with us. Maybe because we're wild, spirited and on fire in the sack, and
can never be tamed.
So, the transient trollop called me, peeing her panties in laughter.
She had called her voice mailbox and heard a panting sort of breathy sound
but no message. Well, after getting all worked up and listening to it
four times she realized it was her own damn voice. She had called and
hit the wrong button an hour before and left herself the unknowingly,
titillating message. Too freakin' funny. Since I was feeling unloved and
rejected, she informed me, "Hey, at least I don't have anyone to reject
me where as you and your whining self allows yourself a pasture full of
boys to reject your demanding queen bee self." I guess she has a point.
She said if I complained further, she'd kick my ass so hard that I'd be
wearing a colostomy bag. Then I could shop for shitty shoes to go with
it. Point taken.
Dear Mz. Conduct,
I know this is an odd question, but would you consider stepping/walking
on a man? Would you choose to wear shoes and if so what type? Is this
a strange thing to ask?
Footing the Bill
Dear FtB,
Oh, it's not an odd question and in the mood I'm in, you betcha! Yes
I would wear shoes, my shiny, black, stiletto heels and I'd start marching
away at your groin, honey, like I was putting out a fire. Don't take it
personally though, you're just a man.
It's not that strange, as you have a foot fetish of sorts. You like to
be demeaned by the opposite sex and have a definite submissive side to
you. In actuality this activity would have to be planned a bit and discussed
ahead of time with the woman who would do this. You may want to start
with her bare feet and work your way up to heels of any sort. Afterwards,
a nice massage and some intimacy are a must. You can always hire a professional
dominatrix to do this too. She will know what she's doing and inadvertently
show you what to do with a non-professional for next time. Not a new fetish,
and nothing to fret over. When I was a little girl I remember Nancy Sinatra's
sex ridden voice on the radio as she sang "These boots are made for walking,
and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these boots are going
to walk all over you." I used to get chicken skin just thinking how cool
that would be. Of course it was a metaphorical verse in her case, but
I always preferred the literal interpretation. If the shoe fits, wear
it and walk on a man who loves it.
Dear Mz. Conduct,
Recently a woman told me I have an abnormal penis. She said it was too
short, too fat and the head curves too far under. I have only been with
a hand-full of women in my life and never really compared my erect penis
with another man's so never thought anything was wrong with my little
friend. I respect her opinion and wondered if you could help?
Deviant Dick
Dear DD,
Panty liners for post-it notes, at least this woman was brutally honest
with you, I commend her for that alone. From what you tell me, it sounds
like you may Peyronies (pronounced pay-row-knees) disease. I found out
about this when the Lil' Princess had a man with such a penis. Sometimes
a penis with Peyronies is very short, abnormally so, say about three inches
when erect. It also can be very thick and the head is severely curved
up or down or to the side. It can make it difficult to penetrate a woman
and can also be painful at times. There are surgical procedures that can
help, but they are painful and sometimes shorten the penis even more.
There are exercises you can do though, and if consistent, may also help
and certainly be less painful without losing anymore length. It sounds
like surgery would not be a bright idea for you, stubby.
If any of these things sound familiar then there is a site you can check
out at; www.peyronies.org which may answer some further questions. If
not, then maybe you just have a mutant little stub of manhood and should
go find a submissive little woman who will love you first for who you
are then happily take whatever hangs between your legs.
Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved Kim Alvarez
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