Cyber Chat -Is it cheating?
by oceania © 2002

My husband often apologizes for not having anything to say in the evenings. His excuses are always the same. He is all talked out from working the phones all day, he has a headache or he is brain dead and just wants to watch TV. I smile and attempt conversation, which all too soon becomes a monologue. Itês frustrating because I know as soon as I go to bed he is in cyberspace, chatting, flirting, cajoling, a regular Mr. Life of the party.

His chats with women with such cute names like Tabitha, Linda Sue, Princess and Cateyes. They discuss personal things, intimate things and it makes me wonder what it is he is looking for.

Today I went into chat to see for myself. I chose his regular room, peers 40. I was dropped into room 10 of 35. The room was full, in fact all the rooms seemed full. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people were on line, in chat at 9 am. Didnêt they have jobs?

There were just as many men as women. Instantly I was private messaged. A man from Denver asked if I needed any sweet lovinê today. Three private messages popped up for naked webcams, two more men asked a/s/l. I ignored them all and chatted in the main room.

The room was friendly but it was like entering a click and I was odd man out so I watched. The conversations were inane and I felt like I was back in high school. Gawd didnêt any of these people grown beyond high school football star and head cheer leader?

More people entered chat. Roses were sent, hugs too. There was more flirting innuendos and lies and I laughed as I studied profiles. Minutes passed and I soon found I was on for an hour. Where had the time gone?

It was time to ask my questions. I told the room I was writing an article on why people come to chat.

The room grew quiet. But no one left. I had a feeling that they were all whispering behind my back wondering what to do.

So I threw out a question one I was sure would get a reply.

"Are you lonely?"

But no one said anything.

"Are you looking for something? Is there a void in your life?"

NYCityMale attacked first

"Youêre way off base here" he shouted

Really then tell me how it is I answered

Easydoesit laughed "itês easy to come here" he said.

"because you can be anything or anyone you want to be?" I asked

"Yes" he smiled

"can you form real friendships here?" I asked

NYCityMale answered "I found 6 wonderful women here and I am engaged to one of them and I am friends with two of them"

I looked at his profile under status it listed divorced ® hmmmm I wondered if that happened before, after or during the chats.

"How do you know who is telling the truth and who isnêt?" I questioned.

Easydoesit answered " you never know for sure"

NYCityMale replied on his heels " you can just tell"

"Real How?" I asked

No answer

Okay another question

"How many of you are married and if you are is chat cheating?"

Again no answer I continued.

"I asked because I have a male friend that comes into chat. He tells the women here that he is divorced when he is very married. He meets them as a single man and has started a few serious relationships that way."

"He is very convincing. It is so easy to hide here. Names, ages, location can all be made up to fit a profile."

"So how do you know who is real and who isnêt?" I asked again

NYCityMale replied " women lie in chat too it is not just men I think your opinions are very one sided."

"I am sure women use the system to hide too. I did not say it was just men. I gave an example. The example is of a friend of mine. It just happens to be that he is male."

"He is here to meet women. He feels something is missing from his life. That adore me factor that leaves when familiarity in a relationship sets in. He is lonely. This is what he has told me"

"NYC you found your lover here, were you looking for one? Or were you just bored and killing time and it just happened?"

Easy answered "I like cybersex"

"Really? Can you really get off with typed ohhh and ahhhs? Or does it lead to real phone sex. And why canêt you get that at home? Arenêt the people there real too?"

•Or is it easier to be open and free sexually here where no one really knows you?"

NYCityMale answered "Sexuality should not be governed by location"

I laughed "tell that to a soon to be divorced woman that writes erotic and lives in the Bible belt honey. Not all people are as open minded as New Yorkers. In fact most people live a double standard."

NYCityMale countered "I lived with a stripper for a while"

Well good for you I almost typed. Instead I answered with Ä "and did she tell strangers what she did for a living? I bet she didnêt men would have ogled her and women would have ignored her. Society as a whole isnêt ready to face their sexuality unless it is packaged neatly, put into compartments and labeled porn zone so they know where they are"

The rest of the conversation went nowhere.

I left none the wiser; my original conclusion was in tact. People come into chat because they are lonely, they havenêt grownup, they need to feel that rush of adrenaline one has from a new relationship.

According to the players chat is all innocent fun. No one wanted to admit that they were here to find themselves the part that had been left behind when responsibilities and family became priorities.

They stay because they think they found it, that elusive something. In the process they stop growing, close doors on promises and loved ones and cause hurt.

~oceania

oceania is well know erotic writer and voice over talent. She has been on the web since 1995, the year her husband officially shut her out of his life.