It is late afternoon and the day is gloomy and overcast. The sun peeks
shyly and hesitantly through the dark clouds, illuminating
the room in brief glimpses. The woman sits at here desk, head
bowed with tears streaming down her face. Her posture is one
of defeat and resignation and she emits an aura of despair.
Strong shudders wrack her slim body and she hangs her head
lower.
The phone rings to her left, harsh and shrill. She jumps at the sound,
resentful that it should interrupt her mourning. She lets
it ring again, glaring at it with loathing and hate. The caller
ID identifies the number it is coming from and she feels like
throwing it against the wall to silence it forever.
The ringing is insistent, over and over it shrieks into the stillness of
her world, stabbing her head with pain and sorrow.
"Why canęt he just leave me alone?" she wonders to herself.
Slowly her hand moves towards the phone of its own accord and grasps the
receiver in grip so tight and desperate that her knuckles
turn white with blood loss. Her mind screams for her to just
put it back, hang up before she hears his voice and weakens
yet again.
"Hello?" she whispers.
"Hello there" he says in the voice that is so dear to her heart. Just hearing
that voice sends shivers up her back and through her body.
"I am sorry that I havenęt called you sooner, baby. I just havenęt felt
much like talking lately" he explains.
"I am too" she replies shortly, stopping herself from revealing her inner
torment to him.
She knows that she cannot reveal her pain and feelings of unimportance
to him. She has tried that before with this man and he always
ends up getting frightened and running away. Revealing her
weakness for him would also not help her carry out the decision
that she arrived at today. It would only hinder it, allowing
feelings to get in the way of the reality of the situation.
"Are you ok honey? You sound kind of depressed there." He inquires.
"Ięm okay. Not depressed really,
more like resigned." A small sigh escapes her at this point.
"Well then, that is good to hear! So, do you want to come over tonight
and make me a happy man, you wild thing you?" he quips.
"No, I donęt think that would be a very good idea tonight. I donęt feel
like socializing very much. I am just going to stay home and
do some work"
"Ok then, what about this weekend. I donęt have any plans at all and would
love to make some with you. We could cuddle up on the sofa,
watch some movies, andÄÄwell, you knowÄ.play around"
"I am sorry, I already have plans for this weekend" Tears start to stream
down her face with this statement. Her desire for him overwhelms
her now, her body aching for his arms around her and his voice
in her ear.
He sounds like there is nothing at all wrong and she wonders how a person
can be so dense and obtuse, or does he just not care enough
to pick up on the clues she is dropping to him. Usually she
is more talkative with him, jabbering away over the dayęs
events. It should be obvious to him, with the curtness of
her answers and the evasiveness of them that she is ending
the relationship. But he seems oblivious to this.
She does not want to come right out and tell him it is over and that she
will never see him again. Twelve years of loving him, body
and soul, makes her not want to hurt him in anyway. He has
been part of her so long that it would be like tearing her
own heart out. So she hedges, hems and haws with vague excuses
instead.
Twelve years of being treated like nothing more than a sexual toy. Twelve
years of walking gingerly around him, trying not to push or
pressure him. Twelve years of waiting for him to realize that
theirs was the best that anyone could hope for. Twelve years
of drifting together then apart when his feelings came to
the surface. It is enough.
She tells him goodbye and hangs up the phone, sobbing as if her heart would
break. Pushing in codes into her phone, she blocks all his
phone numbers. With a shuddering sigh and a mental shake,
she puts twelve years behind her and moves on.
