RIDING LESSONS
By Jean Roberta
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Why Should Guys Have All the Fun?
Beating Men at Their Own Game of Sexual Conquest By Cindy X. Novo
(Burnaby, British Columbia: Zumaya Publications, 2002).
ISBN: 1-894869-40-0.
Paperback: $12.00 U.S. Ebook: $6.00 U.S.
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Are you a single (or married) woman who wants to play with men but doesn't
want to be used and taken for granted? Then this book is for you. "Cindy
X. Novo," who offers advice from behind a pen name, has designed a step-by-step
training program for "Cindy's Commandos," a proposed elite corps of seductive
women who strike fast, take no prisoners, and leave before their victims
know what hit them. The strategy of "find, feel, fuck and forget" is shown
to work as well for women as for men. In Chapter One, Cindy asks the reader:
"How, as a woman, can you learn the secrets of finding and manipulating
men who have the ability to bring you sexual bliss?" Cindy outlines the
plot of a female conquest, from meeting an "instrument of pleasure" in
a setting where he is off-guard (not a bar where men go to pick up women)
to finding out how much he's packing (size does count) to staying on top
(position counts too) to making a graceful exit. Cindy has ten laws of
female dominance:
1) Never connect with men on playing fields where they traditionally
dominate.
2) Muscles are not indicative of sexual prowess; even eunuchs have muscles.
Only one muscle (organ) counts, and that's not often on public display.
3) Never reveal to your potential instrument of pleasure anything remotely
true about yourself. The more he knows about you, the more he'll use that
information to dominate and control you. The last thing you want is the
guy showing up unannounced for Sunday dinner at Mom's.
4) Don't make the mistake of believing that because a guy knows how to
push your buttons standing up, he'll be able to drive you to the height
of sexual frenzy lying down.
5) Never forget to housebreak your animal. Training a man is like training
a puppy. 6) Never allow a man to mount you from the top or from behind,
especially in the initial phases of a relationship.
7) Never tell a man you want to see him again.
8) It never pays to be too kind to men. If you treat them like real people,
the nitwits will begin to think they're human and take advantage of your
generous nature. Put yourself in the right frame of mind for sexual conquest
and treat him like the dildo you store in your nightstand.
9) If you fall in love with your real-life vibrator, you've lost the
ballgame. You may as well bend over and say "sock it to me."
10) Take your pleasure, then discard your walking-talking-breathing dildo
like yesterday's newspaper, just as he would discard you were the roles
reversed.
Does this advice sound selfish and callous? If so, does it sound more
humane when men apply a parallel strategy to hunting women, or (to put
it more accurately) pussy?
On that note, Cindy refers briefly to lesbian encounters, which are not
off-limits to Cindy's Commandos as long as the woman doing the seducing
gets at least as much pleasure as her playmate. In general, the same rules
apply to the sexual conquest of human toys of all shapes, ages, genders
and income levels. In an interview with this reviewer, Cindy explained
what inspired her to write this guidebook: "I got tired of being used
by guys and decided to turn the tables. When I did I doubled my cum rate
(number of orgasms per minute). That alone was worth the trouble. Today
I mount the pony, ride it, and dismount when ready." She went on to explain
that she (like Scarlett O'Hara) lives in the general area of Atlanta,
Goergia, and that she is "an equal opportunity seducer: white, black,
red, yellow. I don't care what color it is as long as it can handle 100
strokes per minute and meets my minimum length requirement of 7"."
In the second half of her book, Cindy discusses case studies and outlines
the different techniques required for seducing different male types: The
Arrogant Peacock, The Timid Soul, The Clueless Genius, The Tight-Ass Preacher.
Cindy then interviews famous alumnae of her school for "commandos:" Cleopatra
(who kept it in the family), Little Bo Peep (who knows a few things about
rams), Carmen with the Forty Wrinkles on Her Belly (still going strong),
the Bride of Frankenstein (whose "bionic man" was built on a superhuman
scale) and snake-haired Medusa (who enjoys the abilities of the men she
has turned to stone). If you read both parts of the book, be prepared
to laugh out loud.
On the topic of her own experience, Cindy mentioned: "I rode one guy
so long and so hard he had to be rushed to the emergency room afterward
with his penis wrapped in ice packs. That guy, incidentally, was packing
a 9" rod as thick as a beer can." She summed up men's responses to her
book: "Men fall into two camps: those who have read the book and are so
hot they'd screw a snake if they could corner it, and men who are so pissed
off at me they become gay."
You can contact Cindy at her website: http://CindyNovo.8M.com. She will
autograph your copy on request. Armed with this instruction manual, you
will have no excuse for not scoring like a cougar in heat.
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