An Interview with Vic Wiseman

the delicious Editor of sexilicios.com

By Girlphoria

Olivia : How would you describe sexilicious.com in a soundbyte?

Vic: Sexilicious.com is soft sex, it's about loving your own body and understanding how it works. It's about talking about things that are usually left unsaid.

Olivia : Sexilicous.com has a strong focus on body image, women loving themselves and their bodies. self-esteem and poor body image is the prime reason why so many women have such low self-esteem and why we seem to feel uncomfortable in their own skin?

Vic: In part, yes. It's a vicious triad I think: Low self-esteem, poor body image and the ongoing alienation of female sexuality by society. They're all intertwined. Women are taught young to hide their bodies, to dislike them, to disassociate from them in order to get friends, jobs, love. Hide your body from men - they aren't responsible for their actions if you show them too much. Hate your body - after all you ain't never going to look like the Guess Girl, are you? And that, my darling, is the only acceptable format for a woman's body. Disassociate yourself from your body - ignore your breasts, hips, sex drive, sexual emotions - other girls don't like girls who are too sexual, that's competitive. You won't get a job or find your true love if you're too sexy, that's not respectable. These are the basic rules in the guidebook we all get as young women. The damage done to our concept of ourselves is immeasurable. Honestly, I can't ever hope to erase it even in myself. But at least I'm trying. That's something. I hear from women on my site who can't enjoy sex because they don't want to take their BRA off, for goodness sake! They hate their breasts, don't want to show them, can't get any pleasure from a partner's touch. They'd rather ignore the existence of their bodies than learn to receive pleasure. This is what I'm battling against. Because that woman's breasts are not the problem. Her alienation from them is the problem.

Olivia : One positive trend I've noticed in the mainstream media is the "Strong Woman" proto-type. Mia Hamm (US Women's National Soccer Team Striker) and Lucy Lawless (Xena) have become icons in the American media. Do you think this "muscles are cool" mantra will have long-term and positive effects especially on young women and girls?

Vic:I hope so. I really do. But at the same time, fashion models get thinner and more gaunt every year. It's probably just canceling the Xena's of the media out. And let's be honest, who hasn't heard the sharp critique of healthier female role models: "she's a dyke, you know." Maybe that'll help budding dykes in a backward way, but I dunno what it's going to do to the straight girls. I shudder to think. The "muscles are cool" mantra is fine. I'd also like to hear a "It's okay to be round. Sharp edges suck." kind of mantra going around. Even the pop culture muscle-y role models (I'm thinking Madonna or Gwen whats-her-name from No Doubt)

Olivia : Stephani.

Vic: Yeah, are skinny as hell. Sure, you got nice abs honey, put you're going to put my eye out with those hip bones! (Laughs all round)

I'm not a "size-ist" or anything. I think slender women are lovely. I just want to say that a little padding is healthy. Nutrition doesn't come from a jar of protein supplements. Your body needs love and food and sex and peace - not just weights.

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